| livejornal usage vs. loneliness |
[11 Nov 2008|07:10pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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brand new colony - postal service |
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When people get mono, do they ever think "oh well, I guess I deserve this for being a huge slut."
No?
i guess not.
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| my nice big secret |
[10 Nov 2008|11:56pm] |
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mood |
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can you breathe? |
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music |
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the idiots next store (Always.) |
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THIS IS JUST AN EXPERIMENT!
WARNING: this is not just an experiment.
this is it, this is all i've got.
I don't have very much,
but it's enough for now.
So I'm resorting to this,
because it's the only way I can get my message out.
(Even though it will be seen by every pair of eyes except the one pair that i want to see this.)
You liked what I liked,
I liked what you liked.
- Hillete.
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| are you kidding? |
[17 Mar 2008|05:16pm] |
lovely and lost all at the same time.
This is probably a really stupid idea oh well. It makes me sort of excited.
HELLO... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat. I am great. I just got back from traveling through Spain and France over the course of 10 days. Really, I am exhausted. And sick. I am sick of rules. I am done with rules. I don't want to walk, I want to run. Run so far away. All the way back to Barcelona, baby. It was soooooo painfully beauitful, Europe. The trip, like I've said ten thousand times since I've been home was terrible, however. There was No freedom, I felt like I went through Europe in a giant cloud, being following by the worst Vice Principle in the world with every step that I took. What a bitch. We followed all of her rules till the very end and she broke hers after the first day when she decided to do this and this and this and i'm not even going to tell the story. To be honest, I am not trying to get back into the whole LJ thing cause that would just be ridiculous. But, sort of funny at the same time. And maybe I could use this as a chance to tell everyone who used to use this daily what I really think and feel about them. but, no, not today. Today I am trying to get my mind open and free so that I can "become fully human" and by that I really mean be able to put something in my journal for a course which just so happens to have that very title. Blehhhhhhhhhh. My right calf muscle hurts.
Really though I would love to just say FUCK YOU.
Ok. there. I feel better already.
The thing is.
The thing is.
Nothing.
And everything at the same time (obviously). guuhh.
FUCK YOU.
H'okay. So...
lala I really just need to say that I love how much I've been through since my last journal entry. LOVE IT. love him.
But, Anyways,
yeah. wow. I'm even procrastinating this. I think it's because I'm not sure. Not sure??? wow, this is new. Uncertain? Insecure? oh that patterns of life.
Let's talk about it.
Let's not!
is this even going to work? SHUT UP.
I'm wasting time.
What else is new.
Okay bye.
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[14 Apr 2007|07:37pm] |
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NEVERMIND!
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[11 Sep 2006|08:57pm] |
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mood |
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relaxed packing |
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music |
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Takk...sigur ros |
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so despite the continuous flow of shnot coming out of my nose and an excessive amount of mucus, i think i'm pretty damn excited for kinark.
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[03 Sep 2006|03:50am] |
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mood |
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peppermint |
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music |
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silent noise |
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i think that the 5 cups of green tea that i drank before bed might've not been decaffinated.
and now it's 3:50 AM and i wasn't even up partying all night...
i guess i could go bus to the nearest tim hortons in aurora and look for people...because apparantly there will be fresh bagels in a hour and a bit and apparantly i have crazy friends.
so. who's ready for school? who's ready to breath? who's ready to seek up and find what we are all looking for?
i wanna be more durable, less practical and feeel nothing- just go go go.
i don't feel like going to bed today because it's already been a new day for a few hours now.
i love fruit infused greeen tea beverages, did i mention that?
See you all on Tuesday.
xoxooxxooxoxoo
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[04 Jun 2006|01:36am] |
the grass is getting greener!!!!!!!!!!!!
aljkbdcjdidhsfdsfhbv
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[28 Apr 2006|08:49pm] |
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i am falling apart
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| aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa |
[21 Apr 2006|11:19pm] |
running in the fields
i should stop scrambling my eggs and pencil cases spilled out everywhere onto to no one even though it never appeared as though anyone was there.
oh hello, yes yes yes 3 sugars and some creme. cream. sunbeams they shine through all these stupid windows i can't help but gaze through, look unto better ideas of what i wish this and this and this fuhhhunnn, i i am a waste of nothing i get tired from doing nothing. i never talk? i feel like i havent talked since my tenth birthday party when my brought me the cake and told me all those pretty things that they do. i don't know you. but i don't know me, i just know what my favourite kind of flowers are and how sometimes i get when i'm around you and the way i see different colours all at once. whatever and ever and ever after and again. you are a biggg larrrrrge hole in my heart; big empty hole. that i put there. so now i'm just gonna roll onto my sides and lay down and open my eyes as wide as they can go and scream myself to be and just be and be under and over everything and not let my insides collapse into that big larrrrrge hole. because it's not even real. inserts and undergarments and additons and subtractions and overachievers and underpants and overalls and you are not good. enough. blehhblublublahbloooh...you? me? the sun, i'm the only one- i'll pull you to me. the moon and the sea, when the oxygen swallows my nothingness and pushed all this negativy away there will be nothing left but the real you (me) and us. together, i hope that i am able to breath in with the real oxygen and pick the real flowers that are my favourite and feel the warmth on my burnt skin always always always. I got annoyed with myself looking but then once i gave up and sunk back into whatever it was it kind of just got lonely and all of those windows shut and there was just me sitting there screwing up my face trying to make it look like i have things that are big adventures in my pockets and sooooooo, well, goodbye. not and never because "i can tell you whyyyy, but i don't know. it's so simple annnnd so complicated" we're actually sogood; i actually do. i love you guys, i just need to either rip of this old layer of sticky stuff that's gotten stuck to so much crap (but those things always hurt to tear off and you have to do it fast!!! but i'm not) or i just need to just be nothing, just fucking, yeah, you know? like what else are you gonna do? are you gonna just bend over and die? no, oh no. no no...and you are there and i can see you and really see you and i can't just float up into the sky and, slowly dissaporate. there isn't really a hole.
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| what the fuck am i doing on livejournal? |
[28 Feb 2006|05:35pm] |
Is passing out/pissing in my pants/or vommiting on stage anything relatively close to funny?
today i tried to sit down, close my eyes and relax a little
but instead found myself tightening every muscle in my body, squeezing my eyes closed shut and gasping for air.
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| metric!!!!!!!! |
[25 Feb 2006|01:36am] |
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mood |
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ajsdhkashd amazing. |
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music |
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MY EARS WONT STOP RINGING |
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that was fucking unbelievable
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| this is probably gonna make me sound more confused then i actually am |
[12 Feb 2006|12:51am] |
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mood |
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uncomfortable&thirsty |
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music |
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you got me all wrong - Dios Malos |
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i smell like a mixture of boys cologne perfume sweat alcohol and cupcakes
on the drive there i squeezed your hand so tight i felt it pulsate.
I love it when my eyes play tricks on me and make things look different from how they normally should
seeing peoples reflections in their car doors, once, twice and three times. lights look like their flickering on and off but really we're just moving too fast, really we're just passing over things that don't seem important in the whole big picture.
I liked being taken in close under somebody's arms and i think i like it alot more than the girls that get that more often than not.
Also, it was sooooooo utterly strange to see all of these people that had been once piled into the back of my memory, neatly stored away long ago for other times...there, walking by, these people that once impacted my life greatly (even if it was just to share a few crazy bones and make up some dances to s-club 7).....it was so weird, how people can just fade in and fade out of your life and you find your self encircled by these wonderful people in your life now that you love so much and could never picture yourself without...and then you look at these friends, these old friends that no longer have that place in your life....
i wish i had some sort of comforting conclusion for you, as though these kids really mean something to me and i mean something to them. but they don't, i don't.
I love nights, on the weekend.
i think something that i need to start doing more often is majorly crushing on complete strangers- even if it's just for one night and then forget about it all by the very next day. i don't if that sounds like a wrong thing to do. but it felt childish and silly and fun. plus this boy was very goodlooking.
Another thing was it was cool to see my old old school friends..., i saw this girl that i havent seen since grade five, but for 6 years me and her would get together every day after school and eat candy and play barbies and hairdresser..oh godd i hate getting random callers calling me on my cell phone at 2 in the morning, especially when they just don't come out and say "oh sorry i have the wrong number" and then i just get this creepy feeling and ya ya ya,...sorry what was i saying? oh ya, barbies....i dunno, it's just-like-when do things change? can you feel the change happening or can you feel it coming? can you know when to let go and when not to let go?
i feel like i've let go of a bunch of things, and i kind of want them back. like even though i switched schools and it was hard, it wasn't impossible...
i went to this party tonight and saw all these people, all grown up, havent seen them since grade 6 i think....they were all taller and skinnier and fatter and pimplier and breastier and facial-harryer and all pretty drunk....annnd well,
time will travel on, i suppose.
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| i think we all know that i will try to change the subject anyways... |
[07 Feb 2006|07:15pm] |
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mood |
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lackadaisical!!! |
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music |
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death cab for cutie - marching bands of manhatten |
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"it's up to you and I. I mean, if you feel the way i do,
and you enjoy using this dishwasher...."
If one day all of a sudden a fruit went extinct on this planet, which fruit would you rather it be- apples or oranges?
....wait a minute...an apple isn't a fruit!?
jokes... yeah, it is.
seriously- which would you miss more...?
my dad makes up words quite often.
probably more than your dad.
so i'm giving my hair 5 and a half days to grow 10 more inches otherwise i'm just cutting it all of, yes?
Clown show anyone? (...yes please!!!)
................
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I quit hebrew school.
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[05 Feb 2006|12:42am] |
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mood |
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lightbulb in a dark room. |
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my spine is shifting
(and i don't know in which direction)
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| I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else. but you. |
[21 Jan 2006|08:31pm] |
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mood |
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:) |
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music |
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t(..t) hahaha |
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i really love how you feel
so meet me on the moon, ok?
bum bum bum i'm listening to such great tunes (thanks greg)
anyways, i decided that if there was the possibity of eating soap, i would do it. i just would.
not too long ago i was watching such a nice movie that takes place in the 50's with a black women named Corrina (whoop whoop whoopi) and the cutest little girl i've ever seen (who could now very possibly be Deb from napoleon) . it's a movie with alot of nice random shots of jumping on beds, hoola hooping and pet turtles and love. love love. ...it must be nice
I think i may very well be interested in film making, so whoever wants to write me a movie, i will film it. i will.
it's such nice crispy weather out. i wish i was outside...last night was nice.
Didgya see the new chocolate flavoured rice crispeys!!??
bye now
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[20 Jan 2006|04:06am] |
You can feel so much better!
you can.
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[14 Jan 2006|11:03pm] |
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music |
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We Will Become Silhouettes- Postal Service |
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My mom just gave me an artical entitled: "teens talk about: virginity"
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| Incoherent infatuations -living in bed (ohhhh goddd i make no sense.) |
[10 Jan 2006|12:04am] |
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mood |
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smooth and milk shaky |
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music |
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poor little rich boy-Regina. |
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i have a six pack of sugar waiting for you under the hidden staircase. in the middle of the closet. with the door closed. with the floor as the surface, the floor is the surface? always. i will always feel for someone. i will never know how it feels to be felt about the same way. i am unKnowledgable, unAcknowledgeable and undescribibibleable. i am also not here. not now. maybe not ever? are you concerned, what is your concern, what are you screaming about? blow up a few balloons and swallow them and try to pop them on the sharp edges of a broken heart, that'd be fun kids. i'm gonna build you a life, i'm gonna build you a cake. a man can never die if he knows what he loves. like building cakes and walking away. i dream of endless paths. and other things...what do they all mean she wonders. i need a gas mask, i need a filter, i need a new toaster-oven-broiler-all-in-one-super-duper-fucking-radio!!! o o ohhh
today i called my dad "markus" after he called me "hilleteus"
he didn't get it.
you're so young you're so godamn young, you're so young you're so godamn you're so young you're so godamn young you're so godamn young you're so godamn young you're so young you're so godamn young you're so young you're so godamn young you're so godamn young you're so godamn young you're so godamn young you're so- god damn young
and you dont love your girlfriend.
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sweethillete's journal